“Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” – James Baldwin
It’ll be a new season by the time we all emerge again. The last time I dropped off the planet was to spend a month on a research ship. I left in spring and arrived back to summer. I’d become immersed in the clouds as that’s all there was to see. I’ d never known the horizon dipped and rose. Or noticed the sun shone like rays through the clouds. That the sea birds would joy in the slipstreams above the ship. It’s funny when you have less you see more.
Time is doing odd things right now. It’s only a little over a week since for the first time in 11 years I thought – I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. I’ve never had that Sunday dread feeling before. Ever. But especially not since I’ve been working for myself on my passions. I never knew what others felt till that moment. I thought right give it one more week and if it’s not better press reset. So by last Saturday I sat down and created as much open-source material as I could. It was my compromise. A support net for those who wanted it. But an exit out of the disrespect.
Another week on – where are we? Shop assistants shout at you. Others are oblivious. Invincible still. We are reading obituaries. Places we thought of as first world countries are running out of ventilators.
There’s a great divide happening. Those in alignment who are content in their worlds. Those restless who are voicing the inequalities to their lives. Many women are seeing they’ve never had an equal partnership. But suddenly it’s impossible. And then there are those who seem cast off from life. Begging for slots to use food stamps.
We will be any more equal when all of this is finished? I don’t know. I feel helpless. The divide seems cavernous.
But nature continues. Two swans taking up residence. I’m still so conscious of the horizon lifting as the season moves forward.
Naoisé April 2nd 2020