Pride Special
Not all spaces are dating sites. Not all connections are sexual. Over the pandemic, I’ve grown to be the quietest person in the Zoom room.
Out and about I can connect. Talk with anyone. And get hit on. Online all the agendas seem magnified. It’s harder to walk away. Or run.
But my illusions about women treating women better than men were shattered on my very first outing to a gay environment. Should I feel flattered I get groped?
I’m not.
I joke do gay women come out of moth balls for June? The visiting ones seem the worst. Like they’ve nothing to lose leching over you.
I’ve been shouted at across the road while walking with a friend – what’s that about? Her reply – “I think you’re in there if you want to be”
I avoid our city in June. I avoid all purpose built gay spaces. Especially online.
I’ve got a vivid memory of going to an event, during pride, but a kinda art event with a friend. We are instantly approached. “are you two together?” – no. “oh so you’re on the shelf?” – I reply with a look of total disbelief while my friend struggles with her facial expressions.
I’ve been subjected to homophobic service in restaurants while dining with my straight female friends. This one pushes all my buttons. I feel annoyed with the assumptions. The fact that women can be close friends. The homophobia is tiny in comparison.
I also have a recurring theme of connecting with women deeply. Since College. Feeling we are just friends. I value friendship. Only there is often a sub-agenda I’ve missed which leaves me feeling gullible and stupid.
I’m not conditional in my connection.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.”
Rumi
I’ve gone through whole periods of my life with just male friends. Less complicated. However, linear.