Grows and grows
Not one that comes and goes
That’s all I want from you
A sunny day with hopes up
To the skies
Not a day that comes and
Dies That’s all I want from you
Don’t let me down, oh show
Me that you care
Remember when you give, you
Also get your share
Don’t let me down, I have
No time to wait
Tomorrow might not come
When dreamers dream too late”
That’s All I Want From You – Nina Simone
Walking the beach in a rare moment when it’s not invaded by people who don’t even walk Christmas Day – with this song playing on repeat loop. These have become my moments of sanctuary. Every time I cry. No matter how often I’ve cried before. You know it’ll become the soundtrack to now. In years, I’ll hear this song and always think of these days.
Others post endless rubbish on social media to remind them of these times. Their lives have become so automated they think they’ll need the achieve your memories feature to be able to go back. The list of tape on the floor and the queues and barren streets. I think – what are you really feeling? Storing inside?
I know I’m not the only one sitting here hoping against all hope for a new ‘normal’. That you’ll want a new regular. And yet everyone’s biggest concern seems to be when can we all travel again? To where? A new dimension?
My mother wants to know what’s an influencer? Someone society rewards with attention.
I want change. I want to plant seeds for the future. Not have the roses cut today. The ones others toss with little care for how quickly they wilt and die. How long they took to bloom.
On the days which are especially hard, I do strange math problems. Ones I instinctively know the answers too. What year did they set up their foundation to take their work out to the world? How old were they? The same age as me. I look at them cocooned – relieved they are safe. Especially, since it’s taken them a lifetime for others to listen. To even know them. There was no fast track too influencer. The message was too big. Too unconventional. What they wanted heard was deeply personal but with no personal gain.
And I’m left with a new hope to add to the list of endless hopes. Will the love grow and grow for the real? Will you share because it’s a true message of change and not a desperate need for attention? Will you ever feel the difference?
Change is internal while influence is external. The internal always takes time.
Naoisé 13th April 2020
Featured on Motherwell – Parenting in the time of coronavirus